Marriage in Zambia is part of a larger and more comprehensive social agenda. Marriage begins, in girls, with the inception of puberty. Most tribes regard puberty as the most appropriate time to instill marital values and principles in the young woman. These values range from respect for the spouse-to-be, to sexual matters, to dealings with future in-laws.

Traditionally, the husband’s family searched for the suitor for their son. They particularly considered a family with good social repute and with a philosophy of hard work. Beauty did not play a pivotal role in the choice of a suitor for their son. In fact, in most instances, the bride and the groom did not even know each other until the “wedding day.” Pre-arranged marriages were common as well.

Once the husband’s side was satisfied about a particular family’s potential to grant a suitor for its son, it arranged a meeting of the suitor’s family through its middle-man or shibukombe. The shibukombe was usually an uncle to the man or his elderly relation-in-trust.

At the first meeting, the makombe (or the entourage on the man’s side) would ruminate over the girls they had seen in the girl’s family. They would accomplish this almost indirectly through proverbs and teases. They would say things like, “While we were hunting, we suddenly saw a female hare run into your homestead.” The girl’s family would react with surprise and deny the presence of such a hare.

Through proverbial interplay the makombe would finally make it very clear which of the girls in that homestead they wanted. If that homestead had more than one marriageable girl, the unlikely ones would be paraded first for the makombe to pick out the one they wanted. Usually the makombe would say things like, “We have looked around, and we have failed to spot that wise, industry and beautiful bride among these.” Lastly, the suitable girls would be presented. The makombe would twitter and hum, and accept her.

However, at this moment, the makombe might not know where the girl’s family stood. So the makombe would leave behind a clean covered plate. Inside the plate there would be a certain sum of money. The makombe might leave behind any amount; what counted was favour. If the girl’s family accepted the offer, they would necessarily take out the money. When the makombe visited at the second instance, they would find an empty plate. This news would generally be received with joy and jubilation. If, however, the girl’s family had rejected the offer, the money would not be taken out of the plate.

Technically, after the girl’s family has accepted the offer, further meetings would be arranged between the makombe and the suitor’s family. During these meetings, a lobola or dowry or bridal price would be proposed by the suitor’s family. Discussions would insure to reduce the amount proposed until both sides were agreeable. The dowry would be finalized with the agreement of when the first installment would be paid.

Lobola is normally pegged in Zambian Kwacha, Zambia’s currency. In some tribes in Zambia, especially during the pre-European era, lobola was charged in kind. Some valuable pieces of cloth, beads, agricultural implements, and so on were used. In villages, the future son-law would be required to cultivate a chitemene for the suitor’s family.

The Chitemene System of agriculture involves cutting the branches of trees, heaping them together and then burning them. The ashes provide rich manure for the planting of such crops as maize (cone), finger millet, sorghum, groundnuts, pumpkins, cucumbers, and so on. However, in modern times, this method of cultivation is being discouraged as it leads to soil erosion and also destroys the environment.

Mbusa

The Mbusa is a traditional marriage school set up by the Bemba, Aushi, Bisa, Lamba, Lala, and other similar tribal dialects of Zambia. Other tribes such as the Lozi, Tonga, Nyanja, Lenje, Kaonde, and so on, set up similar schools with different names. The aim of this school is to educate the girl in the intricacies of sex in marriage. Sexual maneuvers and positions are taught, including sex-mood-formation. These are taught in order to prepare the woman to know how to react to the husband in different situations using sexual positions.

A woman may perform a different style during sex depending on whether her husband is happy, sad, tired, drunk or unfaithful. Sex was taught as a language course. Both husband and wise would express their feelings and moods through sex. Pleasure was not the end result but the means to the end. The end in this regard was communication.

The second aspect of sexual intercourse was for procreation. In traditional Zambian life, and this was true of all seventy-two tribes, children were expected from every marriage. Fertility was measured by how many children one had, and respect and social position emanated from that. Barrenness and impotence were considered a taboo, and those who could not have children were ridiculed by society. Everything was done to enable a couple to have children in the earliest part of the marriage.

Some of the lessons taught in the Mbusa included Akankokwa. These lessons were aimed at protecting marriage through sexual skills. There is no record that marital unfaithfulness was tolerated in Zambia. The Mbusa was an attempt at promoting faithfulness in marriage. The Zambian tribes believed that when sex was good in the bedroom, the man would not be tempted to solicit sex outside of marriage. This worked very well.

Monogamy v. Polygamy

Polygamy existed in many parts of Zambia. But polygamy in the Zambian context did not mean promiscuity. A man would marry two or more women on merit. Each woman agreed to the marriage and was proposed and married through the process described above. A polygamous as well as a monogamous relationship was based on the same principles of marital faithfulness.

Polygamy was practiced mainly for economic reasons. It was believed that with many wives also came a big family. With this big family one’s livelihood would be improved. More children meant more labour force, and more labour force meant larger cultivation.

Virginity and the Zambian Culture

The Mbusa arrangement was so successful that almost every young woman wanted to preserve their virginity until marriage. Traditionally, no man would marry a woman who had lost her virginity. Losing virginity outside of marriage was disgraceful to the girl’s family.

On wedding night, the nachimbusa, or the Mbusa teacher, would present the newly weds with a white piece of cloth. Early the next morning, she would collect the piece of cloth for analysis. She expected to find vaginal blood on the cloth. If there was none, she would immediately report to the girl’s family that their girl was chintomfwa or promiscuous. That would be the end of marriage. Any lobola or dowry or bridal price already paid would be returned to the man’s family.

Amatebeto

A suitor has been secured, lobola has been paid, and wedding day is around the corner. By the way, once lobola had been paid, the couple were said to be officially married. The families would elect to arrange a wedding if they so wished. Whether there was a wedding (ubwinga) or not, amatebeto was a must. This was a ceremony meant to welcome the bridegroom into the bride’s homestead.

Some professionally trained women and young women would bring to the bridegroom’s home an assortment of foods. The bride’s family prepares this ceremony to acquaint the bridegroom of what to expect from his new bride. The food assortments would be brought before the bridegroom flanked by his Shibukombe (his go-between).

Traditionally, the groom is supposed to taste from every dish. There is also another dish of a whole chicken that is never disclosed to anyone except the groom. The dish is taken straight to the groom’s bedroom and he is expected to eat it in the coming days up to the wedding day. Another member of the Mbusa would hide a live chicken in her chitenge or traditional wrapper. The groom was to go round and find this fowl. There was jubilation and ululations when he had located the woman carrying the fowl.

The amatebeto is primarily meant for the groom. The bride is never present at this function. She is represented by an older sister or her maid-of-honour to-be. Everything that happens at amatebeto is done with sexual overtones. There are drummers who beat sexual induced tunes. Women, selected for this purpose, dance sexual-induced dances. Nothing is boring or left to chance. There is great excitement and feasting.

Among the food brought at the amatebeto include ifinkubala (worms), caterpillars, chikanda (a sausage-like delicacy prepared from a mixture of pounded groundnuts and a valley-growing root called chikanda), mushrooms, kapenta (tiny fishes), meats, chicken, vegetables, nshima (thick maize-meal porridge), all kinds of fishes, fruits, and so many more.

Ichilangamulilo or Kitchen Party

If the amatebeto was meant to celebrate manhood, the ichilangamulilo is meant to celebrate womanhood. Although the function is prepared by the bride’s family, the groom’s family as well as friends and relatives are invited. The groom is not expected to participate, although he may pass-by and give morale and support to the bride. His appearance would be brief and sometimes it would go unannounced. The bride is the main focus.

The bride would receive all kinds of gifts ranging from bras and pieces of underwear to refrigerators, stoves, plates, pots and television sets. Procedurally, everyone giving a gift must offer some words of advice as well. These pieces of advice might range from sexual competence to knowing how to cook for the husband to respect for the in-laws.